just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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