Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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