I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize