did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize