Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
