I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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