mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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