we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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