dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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