it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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