someone get that fucking seahorse.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
