You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
