My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
