Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
