It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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