I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
