I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
