Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
