I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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