Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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