It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
