is your mom at the bar?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just pee around me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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