Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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