He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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