there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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