somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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