My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
