she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
