Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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