the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
