Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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