Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
