dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
