Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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