but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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