Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
