ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
