I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
