i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is wine microwaveable?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
