I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
