You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
