You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
