I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
