OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
