True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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