i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
