this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
