She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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