So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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