I love black thongs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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