i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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