Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
