Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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