You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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