So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
