Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
