I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
