half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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