Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Still dying that you shit outside
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
