I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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