the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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