I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
