I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
