What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
