Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no you cant smoke seaweed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
