epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
