apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
