Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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