i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
