I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
