well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
