I don't think brook has ever known best
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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