Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
