you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
