So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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