Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
