Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
