after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
