he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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