Yo dont text me then not text me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
